Gabe Newell buys Papacy

Lord Gaben Gabe Newell has bought the Papacy for 785 trillion billion pounds and 37 pennies (Pennies not penises you dirty minded readers) . As part of the deal Pope Francis will step down and Gabe Newell will become the Pope.  The first things Gabe Newell plans to do as pope include putting absolutions on sale and launching  crusades against Origin and Uplay.

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